Saturday, March 31, 2012

New Smashwords WEED Service Treats Common Writer Ailments (April 1 Prank)

One of the oldest medical manuscripts, The Ebers Papyrus, published in 1,550 BC in Ancient Egypt, contained medical miracles, the secrets of which are now being unlocked thanks to modern science.

Inspired by the Ebers Papyrus, Smashwords today announced a new service to treat medical ailments commonly endured by writers.

“For too many years, traditional publishers have turned a blind eye to the physical and mental welfare of writers,” said Mark Coker, founder of Smashwords. “Writing is one of the toughest professions on the planet. Over time, writing can lead to chronic medical issues such as back and joint pain, carpal tunnel, insomnia, anxiety, depression, writers block and hemorrhoids. It’s time we confront these serious medical issues openly and honestly so writers can receive the care and compassion they deserve.”

Medical science has discovered a strong mind-body connection proving that our thoughts directly impact our health. The dirty little secret of the writing profession is that writers put their emotional psyches in harm's way on a daily basis as they mine their imaginations in the service of readers. Some genre writers face greater harm than others. For example, novelists who write thrillers, horror novels and murder mysteries are at risk for chronic anxiety and insomnia .

A mind under constant stress and duress can lead to permanent physical and psychological disorders without early medical intervention.

Starting April 1, the new Smashwords WEED™ (Writers Earn Extra Dispensation) service brings brings welcome relief to all eligible Smashwords authors, publishers and literary agents.

As background, last month Smashwords filed a Form 10XTHC with the California Department of Health to become a licensed and legal dispensary of medical marijuana. The license was granted today.

The free service is only available to authors with books accepted into the Smashwords Premium Catalog. Please review the Smashwords Style Guide to understand Premium Catalog requirements.

To obtain medical marijuana under the Smashwords WEED program, Smashwords authors must first visit a California-licensed physician, who will determine if the writer’s physical, emotional and creative health can be helped by medical marijuana.

Writers then bring the prescription in person to the new Smashwords WEED dispensary at 21 Sunshine Boulevard, San Jose, California. The dispensary is conveniently located five minutes from San Jose International Airport. Smashwords offers a free hourly shuttle service for out of state guests.

Medical marijuana has been clinically proven over the centuries to relieve many ailments suffered by writers, including muscle spasms, headaches, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, insomnia, poor concentration or focus, and low energy. The Ebers Papyrus, for example, recommended cannabis for the treatment of sore eyes and hemorrhoids.

"Our mission at Smashwords is to make writers euphoric," added Coker. "Please enjoy our services responsibly, and tell a friend."

Considering today is April 1, commonly known as April Fools here in the U.S., the reader is cautioned not to believe everything they read today, especially stories that sound too good to be true.

Happy April 1!

Our previous April 1 pranks include:
2011: Smashwords Acquires Amazon to Create Smashazon
2009: Smashwords Harry Potter Ebooks

16 comments:

Scath said...

LOL, nice one. ;)

Jennifer Mosher said...

Well done - you got me! Who said 'gullible' wasn't in the dictionary? :D

Morgan Eckstein said...

Given the fact that I live in Colorado, I have a half a mind to try to convince a doctor that my writer's cramp can be treated with weed.

Jake said...

I left a Fb post stating that I will be dispensing this "author's weed" for SW in the PacNW. Hope it works well, Mark. heh

rdlecoeur said...

Okay, so the rumours that Smashwords had bought out Pottermore were a hoax then? Damn!

Joleene Naylor said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice one! ;)

C.M.Brown said...

Ha ha ha, Mark!
Clever, I was wondering what the heck was going on!

Happy April Fools Day!

Frank Miller MD said...

Great spoof and April Fool. Should win the corporate self spoof April Fool Contest nationally. Wish more companies' CEOs had such a sense of humor...Humor is healthy [this coming from a real psychiatrist!] and glad to hear you have a 'daily dose!'

Laura Eno said...

Oh darn... LOL! Nice one, Mark!

Tracy Falbe said...

Just tried it and I'm feeling better already.

Ty Johnston said...

Mark, call me when you get that free beer program going. ;-)

Gordon Kessler said...

Now that's funny! I was hoping it would be true--almost decided to move to California.

JL Stratton said...

Ha ha, very funny. I just wish I hadn't run off to buy plane tickets to California before coming back to finish reading the article.

Happy AF's Day!

munchkyn said...

Cute. I've been reading the Ebers papyrus recently, it's research for my book set in Ancient Egypt. Since I already knew it didn't mention marijuana, I clued in pretty quick. But it's still a cute joke. Thanks for the mood lifter, Mark!

dollorstorm said...

did you know that some people believe that the rates of hemorrhoids among people that smoke weed on a daily basis is like .03 percent?? that is a striking coincidence that i'm sure nobody will ever cling on to. http://homecureforhemorrhoid.com

Sifu Phil said...

Pretty soon it seems that any writer will be able to partake of this motivational tool.

Of course, it helps to be a Smashwords author in any case, but I fear the exclusivity will be gone in under a decade ...